Random

This time it’s me, not you!

Good Morning!

I feel so bad because there are so many things that I’ve wanted to share with you. As much as this is something that I want to do, I am unable to keep up with having a blog. I have tons to share as far as food, adventures, my health, and living situation. Because I have so much going on it’s not possible for me to dedicate the time that I need to to having a blog. I get the notifications and I see what you guys are doing. I can relate to a lot of it and I like it and I appreciate it. For the new followers, I am so grateful because I’m not able to post, thank you so much! I won’t shut the blog completely down but when my life settles down hopefully I can pick it back up and update you guys on so many things. For the time being enjoy your holidays. For my fibro people, my fibro sisters and brothers, attempt to feel better. Easier said than done! My fibromyalgia has been the worst it’s been in years. I’m suffering. My chronic migraine people, I understand, I feel you. Hopefully, we will have less migraine days and hopefully we will all turn a corner and start feeling better. Hopefully, we will have a shift in energy and things will start going better for all of us in every aspect of our lives.

I’ll talk to you soon!

Auf Wiedersehen,
Au revoir 
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Random

Long Time No See

This was written on 9/13/18

Well, hello there!

It’s been a while, there’s been SO much going on. The last time I wrote I left off devastated because I’d received notice that my disability was being terminated. I put in an appeal and continued my payments but now I have no idea when or how long those payments will continue. We don’t have many options for places to stay. I called the homeless hotlines and emergency numbers but they can’t help because we aren’t actually on the street yet. There was this one place that sounded great but I wasn’t on the street and there was a waiting list. My panic attacks and depression were at an all time high! From what I can gather I wasn’t getting enough treatment. Well! If the system treated people more like people rather than pieces of paper and tried to understand people’s situations, that would be great! I don’t feel well enough to do anything on an everyday basis let alone going to 10,000 appointments. My daughter started having issues that consumed my entire life. Was I supposed to choose myself over my daughter? I only have enough energy to focus on one thing at a time and I directed that energy towards my child. I understand they are trying to crack down on disability fraud but this is ridiculous. I had 60 days to find a job and magically get my life together. I don’t know where you guys live but that’s not happening here! My fear is that with over 30 ailments, issues, conditions, etc. listed in the system they still feel like I’m capable of working. There are people out there with (I feel like) worse issues than mine and they ‘ve been denied! If I don’t get this back we will have NO money. And, for those of you who are questioning… No! I can’t work. Despite the fact that I hurt ALL DAY, EVERY DAY, my chronic fatigue makes it unsafe for me to drive on a regular basis and to overexert myself. I’m sure whatever job would be upset if I was there passing out every 2 secs. I wouldn’t be able to get any work done for my all my issues and fatigue.

Anyway, I’ve been to countless doctors since the last time I was here and I have 10 million more appointments to go (getting caught up on several years of appointments that). I feel like no one cares, that might not be true but that’s how it feels. I’ve been referred to every doctor in the world but what ‘s been accomplished? Ok, I did have a potentially cancerous mole removed. I went to the pain management Dr. today and I kind of feel like nothing was accomplished. I have some pain issues that really need to be addressed. I was given Cymbalta and an appointment for a Ketamine infusion. I don’t know maybe they feel like the Rheumatologist will handle it. I feel like each dr is waiting for the next person to handle it while still getting paid.

My family was REALLY upset when I said I wanted to kill myself but no one is living my life. I’m tired of surviving from one second to the next in pain. My hands hurt too much to hold the steering wheel, I can’t put pressure on my feet or ankles, it’s rainy so ALL my joints hurt, my sciatica is going crazy. Hell, I’m too tired (literally) to keep listing crap.

Everything is up in the air and I think not knowing anything in one direction or the other is triggering my anxiety more. I try not to think about it but no one truly realizes how much my daughter and I LOVE where we live. We finally found a place that felt like home! Whether it be now or in June we have to leave here (I’d rather it be in June! Fingers crossed !!!!!). I can not imagine not waking up here, coming home to this place, looking at the view. We are not headed anywhere as nice as this. I’m so glad my St. John’s Wort is working right now.

I cut off my locs on 8/25/18. It’s a little hard caring for really long hair when you have no home. My house looks like a storage unit, we started packing and ran out of room to put things so that stopped. With all the appointments, my daughter back in school and me feeling like sh*t, not much time and energy for packing.

Even though my life is never going to be the same, I’d be beyond grateful to have my disability back at its current level, just for a little while before my daughter turns 18. Once my daughter turns 18, I’m losing half of the one that comes into the house and ALL of the other. I’ll be taking care of the same 2 people on half of what we get now. I don’t know how my daughter’s situation is going to turn out, I don’t know if she’s going to get better or if she’ll be able to work and go to school. Too many things to think about at one time.

We can all breathe, my rant for today is over lol.

I’m going to wrap this up for now. My panic attacks have subsided, I’m seeing every dr. in town, I have an appointment with legal aide, and I’m trying not to think about the fact that our lives are changing.

If anyone with chronic pain or Fibro has had a Ketamine Infusion can you tell me how your experience went? I’ve had one pain infusion but it didn’t help much.

I’ll update you guys again when I get time or feel well enough to do so.

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Roller Coaster Ride

I actually don’t know where to start. I started this draft in July and so much has happened since then.Β  I’m not going to recap even though that was my plan. My life just took the worst turn. I received a letter today stating that my disability will be terminated in October. My disability is my only source of income and obviously the powers that be do not care that we are going to be homeless. I have no words for how I feel right now. My brain cannot process what is happening.Β  I have been fearing (for 15 years) that my daughter and I would be homeless again. Damn it, The time has come. I have no idea what’s going to happen to us. If you are reading this, pray for us PLEASE! This is the last thing I expected to happen right now. I will have to end this here. I’m too emotional to continue.

My goal is to one day have a happy story to tell. I also want to be able to actually start this blog (the way I intended to.) There were so many things that I wanted to update you guys on. Another time.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend

 

Random

Ugh! *In Between Post*

I’m so conflicted about writing this post, better yet publishing this post. I have food, reviews and a mini adventure to post.Β  I can’t get to it because my mind is stuck on the conversation I had with the lender a few days ago. (I get stressed and can barely function.) I’m having constant migraines, body aches, it’s terrible. Stress makes me have flares – Fibromyalgia, complex migraines, GI issues, etc. *Sidenote – I’m eligible for SOME assistance due to my lack of income but the fact that I have to come up with $2000 by January is freaking me out! I have a hard time buying groceries every month let alone having “extra” money. I stepped waaaaay outside my comfort and created a go fund me (which, mind you, I never wanted to do – like ever!) My biggest issue right now is letting go of the situation and letting things work. I am seriously a “control freak” as we call it. Being in control or feeling like I am, keeps my anxiety in check. There’s no pretending I have it together this time. I can’t even come up with a menu for next month! (I create menus every month. this keeps me on track when we go grocery shopping, especially because money is limited.) Next month is super important because The Princess goes back to school. She’s starting the 10th grade and I’m freaking out about that too! I’m nowhere close to where I thought I’d be in life. I’m worried about where we’re going to live, my daughter’s health, my health, money, you name it! I told myself and whoever read my post that I wasn’t going to stress about posting because this is supposed to be my outlet, my getaway. What am I doing? Freaking out about posts. I keep thinking…” how long is it going to take me to get past this so I can focus on the post I started and really want to publish?”

I in no way want this to be ” The Depressed and Stressed Mommy Diaries”. I started this to do reviews and talk about other things besides food. I wasn’t trying to jump off the cliff with the “other things besides food” part.

As I sit here and beat myself up, I have to remind myself that the name of this blog is “Spoonie Mom Adventures”. Under that title includes everything that makes me, me. Will everyone be interested? NO! Can I worry about that? Nope. All I can do is keep trying to push past this current situation so I can move on to non-rant posts.

I have a post in the works, I think I’ll hold off and include next weeks outings! That’s the tentative plan. Plans and I have a way of not completely seeing eye to eye. Let’s see what happens.

I have hope I can shift my focus back this way. Goodnight, you guys.

I’m accepting all love, light, positivity, kind words, prayers, positive energy (you catch my drift)

 

*If you have a chance please consider sharing my Go Fund Me link.

Go Fund Me

Random

Therapeutic

Hey!

I’m desperately trying to find ways to “reduce” stress. I’ve heard every suggestion that EVER existed for stress reduction. All those suggestions did what? Stress me out. I personally feel like, whatever it “is” you like to do is and will be your stress reliever. (Hopefully something on the healthier side guys. Bad vices not included. Even though I tried those as well – for a long time! Not ok! πŸ‘ŽπŸΎ) I can’t even tell you what I like (like, ACTUALLY like) to do. My situation is SO stressful right now, I don’t have room to think about anything else. Now, I can tell you what I WANT to like to do. Or, the fantasy version of myself I created in my head, I can tell you what she likes to do. The closest thing that I have left in “real life” is cooking (and, that gets stressful – especially if the kitchen isn’t clean the way I want or need it to be).

I thought “blogging” would be “fun”, and something I can do from home (due to being disabled). I thought I can be a working, disabled, stay at home mom and not feel pathetic. Plus, how much more fun could it be to do and write πŸ“ about what you love? Which is Food! Uh, NO! That’s not how it happened, at all. – PAUSE ⏸ – *Backstory break* – My daughter, whom I refer to as The Princess πŸ‘ΈπŸΎ / the picky eater (on this particular platform) actually started ALL of this. I have always been a Foodie (teen – present). Life tried to put my foodie fire πŸ”₯ out with diabetes, food allergies and intolerances. It almost worked, it actually did work for a long time. I fully recovered from diabetes (they were drug induced – that’s another story that I probably won’t tell.) Having to switch from “normal” food (which I would never consider it “normal” anymore) to Allergy Free was killing me! In 2010, it was not so easy to find alternatives – especially in the area that I lived. I had to do some MAJOR research for a long time. Talk about stressful and overwhelming! Fast forward ⏩ – For the most part I had the hang of allergy free cooking. It was to the point where it was like actually good! We were enjoying our food again instead of just eating to survive. The Princess said (in July of 2013) why don’t we make a “cooking show”? Why don’t we make a YouTube channel and share with them how to make good allergy free food? I had NEVER thought about that as an adult (though, I wanted my own “cooking show” as a child). I told her, “NO! I can NEVER get on YouTube. I’m too fat and not cute enough.” (Of, course these are things you shouldn’t say to a child due to how it may make them look or feel about themselves. You live and learn.) I opted for Facebook. Understandingly, this was too much for my “friends”. I decided to create a “Business Page”. Which is still up and running. We named it – CookingWithMommy. I focused on showing people how to convert the food that they normally ate to a tasty allergy free version. This was new and fun at the time. I got caught up in followers, views, posts, and got frustrated. (I actually still get slightly frustrated about these things on all of my platforms). I started an Instagram account, made the same mistake – mixed “business with personal”. Again, I branched off and created a CookingWithMommy IG page in July 2016. It is still up and running. [I honestly have no idea what’s up with July. I started this blog several days ago. My first blog, on blogger is, the only one I started in a different month.] Anyway, that was new, different, fun at the time. IG definitely put me in touch with a specific audience. Much more effective than FB. Again, stressing about numbers and people. Life was happening and I couldn’t keep up with FB, IG, Blogger, you name it. I started noticing that I didn’t have a place to just be me. Nowhere to talk about things other than food. I’ve mixed in other posts on my social medias with mixed reviews.

My life seems to keep going from bad to worse, online and in the flesh. Like I mentioned in my very first post – I’ve debated long and hard about creating another anything. I’m actually happy 😊 that I did. Did my first post get a ton of views? Nope! Am I super happy you guys seem to really like my brownies post? Yup! Am I confident that this post will get the same response as the last? Not a chance! I’m still trying to learn and find my way around WordPress. It is definitely different. The good part about all of this is that this is intended to be therapeutic for me.

I intend to document our mini “adventures”. I definitely am going to talk about allergy free food. I also intend to do personal reviews occasionally. Did I start to freak myself out about not having a set direction and focus? Yes. I don’t care, I need to do this for me. Maybe one day I’ll be a “successful” blogger. (My mom’s all-time dream right now.) I can’t think about that. I need to vent and be “me”. I actually need to rediscover “me” or recreate “me”. I don’t even know. I need to find me!

I’m going with the flow, good and bad. That’s all I can do at this point. Hopefully, this blog can soften a few blows. Maybe, this will give me a place to put all those feelings I don’t know what to do with. I have my fingers crossed that this will lead to something good!

Thanks for listening & ***Rant Over***

For now πŸ˜‰

TTYS

Food

Stupid CravingsΒ 

Last night, The Princess and I made Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Brownies from LiveGfree (from Aldi). Ok, so you think πŸ€” what’s wrong with that? The problem was…. I had already eaten, I barely had any calories left (MyFitnessPal), and quite frankly I didn’t need them. I’m not even a “Sweets” person! This was another stupid craving.

*You don’t know the back story (which there is ALWAYS a back story) because you guys are just now getting to know me. This “week”, I’ve been craving more than usual and seriously going over my calories which is making me completely insane! Now, I crave on a regular basis. Technically, excessive craving is not healthy. 9xs out of 10 there’s a Gut problem – Yea yea, I know that. I don’t know where to start with my GI issues! Ok back to the subject at hand…

Usually when I crave, especially sweets, I only need one of whatever it is or just a bite. The Princess πŸ‘ΈπŸΎ on the other hand has a serious sweet tooth. I used coconut oil in the recipe instead of Smart Balance this time and of course the picky eater won’t eat anymore of them because… “they’re not sweet enough”. They are more than sweet enough! I did sprinkle Pink Himalayan Salt on them which totally made them pop. Now I’m stuck with these damn brownies. (I love brownies, but they’re calories and sweet. We totally don’t mix). I’m sure they’ll end up in the freezer at some point. 

I almost forgot to include the irony in the story. I am very irritated that the Aldi we go to no longer carries the brownies! (not that I know of anyway.) It’s like they put out just enough Gluten Free food just to say they have it in the store. Aldi, itself as the company is not off the hook. I love them, BUT – why? Why? Do you keep creating gluten free products that we as food afflicted people LOVE and then snatch them away and leave the mediocre / “safe” food on the shelves. You know what? I think i’ll dedicate a post just to all the products they’ve snatched away. 

*Skid Talking – if I had known The Princess wasn’t going to eat the damn brownies, I would have put the rest of the cherries πŸ’ that I need to finish in them. The picky eater does not eat cherries. Sometimes I feel like she can’t be mine. πŸ˜‚

I will ask you as well. Which do you prefer? The crunchy edges (which are my favorite) or the soft interior (which is the picky eaters favorite)? 

Random

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

I thought long and hard about starting a new blog. I technically already have one and it totally didn’t go as planned. I also couldn’t keep up with it. I think I was putting way too much pressure on myself. I reverted back to social media (solely). I pretty much gave up on “blogging”. What was the point? (for me specifically) I felt/feel like the blogging world/community is oversaturated. What could I contribute?

My passion is food. And, for the past 10 years – Allergy Free Food. I have 4 social media sites/pages that I (like the rest of the world) share my food pics and talk about how allergy free it is lol! I occasionally throw in posts about my 10 million conditions and issues.

I’m warning you now – I skid talk (I jump around subjects like crazy, can’t help it – my apologies in advance.)

I decided to start over, #1 because the other blog no longer “felt right”. #2 there’s a review I need to do but how do you talk about “that” on a food page? #3 finally, I just need a clean slate, somewhere to be ME!

Join me on this transitional phase I’m going through. I have a lot going on and a lot of things coming up AND I have no idea where The Princess and I are going to end up. Keep your fingers crossed things turn out great!

*Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. β€” Izaak Walton

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